Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
