honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
