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It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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