there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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