my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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