you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
