Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
