Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sarcasm needs its own font
He felt like a one man threesome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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