You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
