The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
