guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
