Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why can't burritos get me drunk
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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