Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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