Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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