her vagina looked like bernie madoff
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
