Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
where does the pee come out of this thing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
