I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
