Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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