I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
