By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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