I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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