I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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