my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
