He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
