there's paper in my vomit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
