If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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