:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
