where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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