dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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