a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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