There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
