Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
