yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Too much gin, very little bucket
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
