I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
