we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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