I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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