I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
