the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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