It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
