So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
