for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
