yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
