Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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