Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
