i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
