just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
