im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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