Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dick very happy bro
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
