So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
God I need to hump something, right now.
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