we have officially lost it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
