I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
