So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
high people should be assigned attendants
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
