He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
