I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i've created a new STD.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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