would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
