She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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