My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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