I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
where are my eyebrows?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
