well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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