so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
