Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
