I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
