I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
