OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
