i think my mom watched the whole time
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
