I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
