C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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