She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
