i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
