I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
