My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
