I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
