I puked a lego.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize