After last night, I could never be a politician.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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